A crying reflection, never a dream.
by Crying Crimson Tears
Summary: Heero is hearing voices, shattering his reality, Whos is this enemy? will he be able to pull himself out? Or will he need strength from all of the gundam pilots? Chap 3 up!!!!! PLEASE GIVE ME REVIEWS!
1. Crying...

A crying reflection, never a dream.  
  
  
I guess I'll never be able to love...  
  
What.....Who are you?  
  
Too cold, I wish I could express myself.....Like the way I was before..  
  
Before? What's before? What are you talking about?  
  
I used to have feelings, Now all I know is war....Death....Hatred.....Anger...Killing...Where does your soul go after things like that happen? What will happen when the war is over? Are you ready, Heero Yuy?  
  
When the war is over....I don't know what i'll do when the war ends...Don't even know what i'm doing right now....Who am I? What was I?  
  
I'll be leaving now...  
  
Heero: Wait, come back, I want to know who you are!  
  
Duo: Oi, Heero, wake up! You're startin' to sound like Relena in your sleep.  
  
Heero rose quickly, Panting.  
  
Duo: You've been groaning all night, what have you been dreaming about?  
  
Heero: ........  
  
Heero stood up slowly, walked to the shower.  
  
Duo: Geez, what's his problem?  
  
Trowa: Just leave him alone, he has something on his mind.  
  
Duo: Where did you come from?  
  
Trowa: Just got back from the mission at the Victoria base.  
  
Duo: Oi, sneaking up is my job....  
  
Wufei: Duo, what are you doing lazing around? Get packing, were all on a mission in Brazil, supposed to be a Oz unit there.  
  
Duo: Oi, another one? When do we get a break?  
  
Wufei: You can rest up when we get there....You'll have some time before the mission...  
  
Duo: Oh yeah!  
  
Heero sat in the shower, letting the water run over him.   
  
Heero: No matter how hard I scrub I can never get the blood, sin, and smell of death off of me. I'm polluted...  
  
The young assassin watched the water roll down his chin...  
  
Your blood stained hands will never be rinsed clean.....Your life will come to haunt you...Your memories will end up killing you...Your love will rot inside of you...  
  
I don't understand...  
  
Duo knocked on the door. Oi, Heero, you've been in there for an hour, give me a turn to bathe! I need it the most!  
  
Heero shook his head as if waking up from a dream. Hour? That's How long i've been in here? What's wrong with me?  
  
Duo began to bang on the door. ....Heero didn't notice..  
  
Heero looked in the mirror. I hate this reflection, all I'm tired of seeing this body everywhere I go, I hate seeing this demon...  
  
A cold reflection looked at him. don't pretend...I know your feelings....You like being a killer....Don't you?  
  
No, that's not true. I do what I have to, Or is it the only thing....I can do?  
  
Such a pretender...Stop lying to yourself! You like the feeling of knowing you have the power to take lives away. Makes you feel strong, doesn't it? A predator above the rest, adapted to that lifestyle.  
  
No, stop, leave me alone!  
  
Heero punched the mirror, the glass sticking into his fist, blood streamed into the sink...Silence...  
  
Blood, Heh, i'm not used to seeing it come from me. No, what am I saying?...  
  
Duo: Ai, Heero, i'm comin' in there! Duo burst through the door. H..H....Heero.....Your bleeding.  
  
Heero: get out, just get out, leave me be....  
  
Duo: ....  
  
Duo walked downstairs silently. Heero got dressed, cleaning up the glass, not bothering to wipe the blood off of his hand...Hn...Wouldn't make a difference if I did wash it anyway...  
  
Quatre: Okay, everyone, we better get going, we might miss our flight. ..  
  
Wufei: Ai, Heero, Duo, Trowa, lets go.  
  
Everyone except for Heero went out to the car. He walked down the stairs slowly, taking in his surroundings, for once. Silence. Heero paid no attention, continued down the stairs.   
  
Maybe one day i'll be something more than a shadow on the wall...  
  
Quatre: Heero, wake up, were here, were at the airport.  
  
Heero: Airport, we left already?  
  
Quatre: Yeah...We left a while ago....Are you okay?  
Heero: I'm fine.  
  
Duo: Oi, Quatre, Heero, get your asses over here!  
  
Wufei and Trowa were checking the luggage. Quatre ran over to Duo.  
  
Where do you think your going?  
  
I'm on a mission.  
  
Going to kill more? Why don't you stop?  
  
I have orders, they are what I live for...  
  
What you live for, you live to listen to someone boss you around? Your mind belongs to you, you can make your own choices.  
  
I don't know how to make my own choices, unless in battle.  
  
That's so sad, a man who can only live in battle, is not a man at all.  
  
That's the way I learned how to live.  
  
Sad, when people need to stop time to find themselves.  
  
What do you mean?  
  
Worker: Hey kid, look out!  
  
Heero shook his head as if waking up from a dream.   
  
A crash, Heero fell, the luggage piled on top of him....As if in slow motion...as if time slowed down...he could barely see Trowa and Wufei running towards him....All sound started to fade....slowly....His vision began to darken, he finally went unconscious....  
  
Are you okay?  
  
Yeah, i'm fine.  
  
Oh, good, I thought you were hurt.  
  
Heero opened his eyes, a small boy sat next to him.  
  
What? Who are you? Where am I?  
  
I'm sorry, I can't answer those questions.  
  
Why not?  
  
Only you can.  
  
What are you talking about?  
  
Trowa: Heero, Heero, can you hear me?  
Duo: Hello? Hello!  
  
Heero: Hn...  
  
Wufei: Your ok, you had them all worried.  
  
Heero *thought* He always has been an unsentimental bastard.  
  
Quatre: If we hurry, we can still catch the flight, lets go!  
  
Duo: Ai, Heero, don't space out again.  
  
Heero ....  
  
Flight assistant: Flight GP1 will now be departing, please keep your seat belts on.  
  
Duo: Ugh, I feel woozy, I hate jets.  
  
Wufei: So you can be in a gundam being blasted around but you cant handle being in a jet, I just don't get you sometimes.  
  
Duo: Oi, Wuffie.  
  
Trowa: Might as well rest up everyone, its going to be a very long flight.  
  
Heero started to drift off. He shook out of it.   
  
What's wrong with me? I'm afraid to go to sleep...  
  
Of course you are, your nothing but a coward.  
  
Shut up, you don't know anything about me, you cant understand.  
  
Oh, Heero, I probably understand you better than you understand yourself, you have no idea how much I know about you Heero...As what you call yourself..  
  
Call myself?  
  
You don't even remember your name. So pathetic, your too weak to be a gundam pilot.  
  
That may be true...But i'll keep on fighting...For the colonies..  
  
Oh, the colonies? Is that your reason? Or is it your will to fight? Or maybe your out there to get Zechs.  
  
I fight.....For the colonies...Yeah....The colonies.  
  
Wake up!  
  
What? Heero opened his eyes...  
  
You again...Your that...Little boy..  
  
Heero, don't let them get to you! Keep fighting for what you believe in.  
  
Wufei: Heero...we've arrived.  
  
Heero: What? Already?  
  
Wufei: You slept a long time, its been 6 hours.  
  
Heero: ...  
  
Duo: Oi, Heero, you on drugs or somethin'?  
  
Heero grabbed his luggage and walked out of the plane.  
  
Wufei: Duo, maybe your right for once, something is wrong with Heero.  
  
Duo: Yeah...FOR ONCE?!  
  
Your losing it Heero, hn, am I too much for you? Perfect soldier? You've lost sense of your sight. Can you tell the difference between reality anymore?  
  
I....I'm confused...Leave me alone....Stay away from me!  
  
Leave you alone? Is that all you have to say to me?   
  
No one understands my feelings.....So how would you know....How do you know how I feel!!!  
  
You don't understand your own feelings. Why do you keep running? Show me your capabilities, I want to see what your made of, I didn't come here for nothing.  
  
I hate it all, just leave me alone, I'll believe in what I know!!!  
  
Quatre: Leave you alone? I'm trying to help you.  
  
Heero: Quatre, where am I?  
  
Quatre: You passed out again, were at our hideout, In brazil...  
  
Duo in background: Maybe we should do something...Heero can become dangerous...  
  
I am dangerous, i'm nothing but a threat to everyone....Including myself.  
  
Quatre: Heero, don't say that.  
  
Hn....Poor fool......You really are clueless...  
  
******to be continued****** 


	2. Heero's shattered reality

Heero: What's happening to me...  
  
Quatre: I don't know, but, Heero, you know were always here to help you.  
  
Heero walked off into the house  
  
  
They can't help you...You know what you are, why don't you stop hiding, and stop trying to forget your past, stop running away Heero Yuy! You kill, and like it, you keep trying to deny the facts, why?  
  
No, thats not true...Its not true....Heero lashed out, firing a round into nowhere.  
  
Uhn....Heero...  
  
What? Heero shook his head, waking from his daytime nightmare. His vision focused....Only to see a face....  
  
Relena: I'm sorry...For whatever i've done...Heero..  
  
Heero: R...R...Relena...What...What have I done?! Relena!!   
  
He clasped the lifeless body to his chest....He tried to cry...Nothing happened...This cant be real!!  
  
Aren't you happy? Now that she's out of your way, you can continue living, killing without thought, not having her blurring your focus. You can do any__  
  
Shut up!! Just shut up!! Look what i've done to you...Relena...You bastard, what do you think I am?   
  
A killer, that's what you are, using your missions as a cover up for you lust of death...  
  
A lust for death? Is that what you call it? The only person who loved me is gone...Uhn...Relena, forgive me..  
  
Everything is okay.  
  
That kid....Again....  
  
Everything.....Is okay.....Heero..  
  
What?  
  
Relena: Heero, Heero, wake up already!  
  
Heero: Relena....But I killed you....Your...  
  
Relena: I'm right here Heero, nothing happened.  
  
"This...This isn't real..."  
  
What is real, Heero?  
  
"........I don't know....heh...The perfect soldier...And I cant tell the difference between reality and a dream..."  
  
Your going to die.  
  
Heero woke up tied to a bedpost. Wufei was standing by the door.  
  
Heero: What happened?  
  
Wufei: Don't tell me you cant remember.  
  
Heero: Remember what?  
  
Trowa walked in.  
  
"You just killed Relena."  
  
Heero: This....Can't be real......This cant be happening..  
  
Duo walked in and slapped Heero. What the hell could you be thinking Heero? You just killed the Vice minister! You know how much the will interrupt the peace treaty?? This will probably start another war and were already in one!!  
  
Another war, that's just what you need. To bring your instincts up to date.  
  
No.  
  
Trowa: No, is that all you have to say?  
  
I have many things to say..  
  
Duo: Heero, you emotionless bastard!!  
  
I can't feel anything...Like my whole body is numb..  
  
Wufei: Weakling.  
  
What have I become?  
  
Quatre held his fist to the side. Heero. I hate you!!  
  
All Heero could hear was mumblings...Everything seemed to be muffled. Heero looked at his hand....The blood was still there.  
  
"I'm a killing machine."  
  
You have no emotions.  
  
"I don't deserve to live."  
  
You don't deserve to die.  
  
"I can't go on like this..."  
  
What will you do, Heero Yuy?  
  
Heero remembered...Gun in his vest...Hidden...He could end it...End it all right now...so he wouldn't have to deal with dreams or reality...He managed to untie the holds on his arms...The gun to his head.....he fired...  
  
Silence.  
  
Heero!   
  
He heard a cry...Was it his name? No....Couldn't be...  
  
Heero! Don't.....Don't run away!  
  
Wake up!!  
  
"Hn, leave me alone....Let me die.."  
  
Your such a coward! Are you just gonna run away?  
  
"That's all I can do."  
  
Everything was black....Faded...All that was visible...Heero....A small child...  
  
I won't let you die, not until you learn your past.  
  
"My past?"  
  
Doctor: Clear, again!!  
  
Heero felt the shock....  
  
Doctor: He's coming around! Stop the shocks!  
  
Heero: Uhn...What happened?  
  
You went into shock, some kids brought you in here, they're waiting outside. You look fine to me so I guess we can let you go.  
  
Heero walked outside...The other four gundam pilots were leaning against the hospital wall.  
  
Duo: Your pretty messed up Heero.  
  
Heero: Where's Relena, what happened to her?  
  
Duo: What are you talking about? She's at the Earth sphere headquarters, making agreements, you know that.  
  
Heero: I killed her.  
  
Duo: What are you talking about?  
  
Heero: I killed Relena, I remember...I fired a round and...She was in the way..  
  
Quatre: I think we should get Heero home, Duo.  
  
Heero: I'm not going...  
  
Duo: Say what?  
  
Heero: I'm not going anywhere...Stay...Away from me...  
  
Heero ran off, it was dark outside, no one could see him...Darkness was his home.  
  
Wufei: Heero, come back here!!  
  
Quatre: No, don't chase him, something's wrong, we don't know what he'll do. You'll never find him that way....   
  
Duo: Oi, he's right, lets track him in the morning.  
  
Trowa nodded. Lets go.  
  
They walked into the car....Drove off quickly.  
  
Heero sat in the shadows, he laughed.   
  
"I don't know where I am, i'm lost....heh..."  
  
Heero, go back to them.  
  
"Why would I?"  
  
They care for you.  
  
"No, they don't....I'm just a puppet for missions, I lay useless when they're done...What do I do now?"  
  
Stop running away.  
  
"I shouldn't be asking for advice from a child anyway..."  
  
Then why are you?  
  
"Because I can't decide on my own..."  
  
Then....You know what to do...  
  
"Yeah....I guess."  
  
Duo yawned. Oi, thought I was gonna get a break...Better get lookin' for Heero. He looked on the floor, Heero?  
  
Heero: Hn....  
  
Duo: So ya decided to come back eh?  
  
Heero: Only place I had to go.  
  
Duo: Heero....Sucha bastard...Well, I guess I will be able to relax...Heh.  
  
Heero walked into the bathroom, turned on the shower.  
  
your pathetic...  
  
"Leave me alone..."  
  
Why don't you let your instincts take over?  
  
"I would kill everyone here if I did..."  
  
Show me what you can do! I want to see your killing abilities.  
  
  
  
  
Heero glared into the mirror.   
"Why don't you show yourself! Who are you!"  
  
Your looking right at me.  
  
*******to be continued******* 


	3. Recognizing Oneself

Heero punched the mirror, it broke off into his hand, blood streamed down the sink.  
  
Duo: Oi, Heero, the hell are you doing, we gotta go to the airport!  
  
Duo busted in the door. H..H..Heero, your bleeding...  
  
"But...This happened...What is this.."  
  
Don't throw it all away Heero...  
  
Heero looked at his hand. Duo closed the door and went down the stairs..  
  
"Blood coming from me..."  
  
He glared at the shattered mirror and pulled the glass out. ........wiped the blood off this time.  
  
The blood is shed, the shed is wasted, none will recognize the innocent deaths of the people until all sins have been rectified, that will never happen.  
  
"The MD's are on their way......"  
  
Why don't people understand?  
  
Don't let her go.  
  
That's just the way we are.  
  
Your beginning to understand.  
  
"Understand?"  
  
Relena: Heero are you alright?  
  
...I don't know what words I can say, the wind has a way, to talk to me. Flowers sleep, I silent lullaby, I pray for reply, I'm ready. Quiet day. calms me, Oh serenity, someone please, Tell me, what is it they say, maybe I will know one day....  
  
Start over.  
  
"Hello, hello, Heero? Are you alright?! Speak to me Heero!"  
  
Grab her hand.  
  
"Wake up!"  
  
"I won't...let you...."  
  
"I...."  
  
Heero woke up, opening his eyes slowly.  
  
Relena: Oh...Heero.....You had me worried...  
  
Just wild beat communication....  
  
Heero: Relena, I...  
  
I feel your heart beat...  
  
Relena: Heero?  
  
Another chance gone, is an angel lacking wings.  
  
Duo: Heero, hurry, the mobile suits are on their way!  
  
Heero breathed in deeply.  
  
Take your chances, don't die now!  
  
let your emotions take over.  
  
Heero walked to wing zero, deathscythe standing over his shoulder.  
  
I'm beginning to understand...  
  
Heero looked back at Relena, he put his foot in the cockpit. she watched, her hair blowing in the breeze.  
  
"Good luck...And goodbye...Heero."  
  
He closed the door. The screens turned on. Duo's face showed up. Heero, you just gonna leave like that?  
  
"What?"  
  
Duo shrugged. I can handle it. Hundred MD's..."Ah, its a breeze..."  
  
"Duo....."  
  
"Just go."  
  
Duo threw a virus chip at wing zero, disabling its system.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"See ya later buddy."  
  
"Bastard..."  
  
Deathscythe flew off towards the oncoming mobile suits.  
  
Heero dropped from the gundam and walked to Relena...He stopped.  
  
Heero, don't throw it all away!  
  
"Relena ran to him. Heero, what about your mission?"  
  
"Quiet, don't ruin it, I'm going to stay with you."  
  
The girl he killed...The puppy...She had a resemblance to her...Mary was her name? Heero shook his head.   
  
"It doesn't matter now, i'm with you."  
  
"What doesn't matter?"  
  
I feel your dreams.  
  
"Nothing its just.....My crying reflection."  
  
The sky was maroon, death was in the air.....It wasn't from him this time. Heero looked to the skies.  
  
Stay with her.  
  
"I never thought...I guess you are stronger, Heero."  
  
"Of course you didn't..."  
  
you've learned.  
  
Arigato...  
  
I hope you won't forget about this Heero.  
  
That kid again?  
  
Who are you anyway?  
  
..... your feelings.  
  
I understand..  
  
Heero could feel the beat of life inside him, he stood and covered his face with his left hand, Relena stood by his side.  
  
Wufei stood in the shadows and turned away.   
  
"I guess everything worked out after all"   
  
Duo smiled.   
  
"Yes...It did..".  
  
Mary smiled and walked her puppy, she was holding the young boys hand, they walked off into the sunset....Together.  
  
A woman looked from a cliff high above. Her blond hair blowing in the wind, she ran a finger over her split eyebrows.  
  
Its just wild beat communication...  
  
****To be continued?***** 


End file.
